By: Kevin Park
Recently, UW-Madison has reverted College Library’s closing time from 6 pm back to the original 9 pm on Fridays and Saturdays. They have also reopened Memorial Library to 8 pm from the current 6 pm. These series of decisions are deplorable and should be kiboshed, as they are unrepresentative of UW-Madison’s ideals.
When Memorial and College Libraries’ hours were reduced from closing at 9 pm to 6 pm last summer, a majority of UW-Madison students sighed in relief. No longer tempted by the tantalizing idea of spending a weekend night studying, students could finally focus on what truly matters in college: drinking. UW-Madison sits in Wisconsin, a state famous for three things: being nice, asking for “b’ay’gs,” and guzzling. When you first arrive, you’re practically naturalized as a Wisconsinite. But can you really claim that title if you can’t drink twelve beers before getting buzzed?
Achieving that level of tolerance takes dedication and rigorous training, and with classes filling the weekdays, the only time to train the liver to failure is Friday and Saturday night. Previously, students faced the agonizing choice between studying for a Calc 2 midterm or heading to a bar, but thanks to the earlier library closing times, the pesky voice telling them to study has been silenced; they can now head to any State Street bar and down six Long Islands before 7 pm without hesitation.
Now, readers at this point may be worried about how this would affect the academics of the students. If you were, there was actually an increase in academic scholarship between Fall 2023 and Fall 2024! The Office of the Registrar released a GPA report that showed the average GPA of juniors studying Health Promo and Health Equity in Fall 2023 was 3.642, and in Fall 2024 was 3.643, showing that shutting down the libraries earlier actually led to higher GPAs overall in UW-Madison. Must’ve been all those study beers!
The library hours had also led to some benefit to public safety as well. As a nonexistent UWPD officer put it, “Before, I would catch freshmen and sophomores drinking in the Memorial Library Cages,” he stated. “Then I would have to write them up and send ‘em packing. But now? They’re in pubs, and I can’t raid ‘em,” she remarked. “Made the job a lot easier and brought the graph of underage drinkers caught down. I think it also enriches them by incentivizing going to Lily’s. Or Mifflin,” they observed.
That is why this is an open letter to the next Chancellor, to go even further beyond and just close all UW libraries to help the students focus on the only thing that really matters: the ‘Wisconsin Idea.’ Maybe opening a bar in the Business School will help. They are already doing construction anyway. On Wisconsin!